


Operation Epic Beer Run

by Katie_P



Category: The Martian (2015), The Martian - All Media Types, The Martian - Andy Weir
Genre: Alcohol, Brief implied/referenced culture of alcohol abuse/alcoholism in med students, Brief mention of past traumatic amputation, Brief mention of past traumatic brain injury, Purchasing alcohol, Social drinking - no abuse, Veterans
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-03-01
Updated: 2017-03-01
Packaged: 2018-09-27 15:12:26
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,705
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10027490
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Katie_P/pseuds/Katie_P
Summary: Dr. Beck tells a story from his med school days.





	

The crew of the Hermes was 46 days into their 124 day trip to Mars. Once the initial flurry of activity at mission launch had abated, the crew had settled into a comfortable routine. Each crew member had his or her own duties to attend to during the day, so despite it being a small ship, they sometimes did not see each other for most of the day. At the end of each day they ate their evening meal together, or as Martinez put it, family dinner. As usual, Mark Watney was the life of the conversation.

“When we get back to Earth, I'm buying you all a beer,” Watney said pointing around the table, then turned to Beck, “You are old enough to drink, right?”

Beck hung his head, his shoulders vibrating with silent laughter as he exclaimed “Not this again!” Then he started laughing out loud to himself.

“What?” Watney asked

“Nothing, just a funny memory,” Beck replied.

“Willing to share?” Watney asked.

Beck hesitated for a second.

“ _Watney_ ,” Lewis said warningly, then turned to Beck, “You don't have to tell us if you don't want to. Don't let Watney,” she looked around the table to see everyone else leaning in eagerly, “or anyone else, pressure you.”

“It's okay,” Beck replied. “I usually don't tell stories about my family, but this one is definitely worth sharing.” 

“Go on, then,” Martinez said.

“Okay,” Beck started, “so, you've all obviously noticed that I look younger than I am. Well, it kind of runs in the family, on my mom's side, at least, so we're all used to it. As you can probably imagine, I got a lot of Doogie Howser jokes in med school.”

At the blank looks of his teammates he elaborated, “Doogie Howser, M.D.? Old TV show about a teenage child prodigy surgeon played by Neil Patrick Harris?”

“I'm pretty sure that show was off the air before any of us was even born,” Johanssen said.

Beck shrugged. “Anyways, when I was 21, people routinely thought I was 15. I couldn't buy beer or get into a bar anywhere in New Haven. It was awful. What they say about med students and alcohol is true, so I was basically being left out of the main social activity of my peers. I don't know; maybe it was a good thing in the long run, seeing as I'm up here and they're all back on Earth, but it sure didn't seem that way at the time. Sometimes I'd get a friend to buy beer for me, but that was both embarrassing and sad, so I didn't do it that often. 

The rest of the crew gave him sympathetic looks.

“I'd resigned myself to my mostly-dry existence when Uncle Steve and Uncle David came to visit during my second year of med school. They're not really my uncles; it's, uh, complicated, but they are related to me. They're both semi-retired. Uncle Steve paints and does some political activism and Uncle David manages their stock portfolio and tries to keep Uncle Steve out of trouble. Most of what they do, really, is travel around the country visiting the family, and I have a really big family, so that takes up most of their time. 

“Well, it was my turn for a visit. I'm trying to be a good host, so the first thing after hello's is 'can I get you something to drink?' Uncle Steve asks for a beer, and I have to tell him that I don't have any because despite being 23 and having a valid driver's license, no one will sell me beer because they think I'm 16. Upon hearing this, Uncle Steve gets this indignant look on his face and Uncle David facepalms and starts shaking his head, because he knows what that look means. Uncle Steve declares my inability to buy beer absolutely unacceptable, that something should be done about it, and that we're going to be the ones to do it. Uncle Steve decides we need a plan, and when he plans, he does it with military precision. Uncle Steve and Uncle David were both Army Special Forces back in the day, so Uncle David helped with the plan, too. Thus was born Operation Epic Beer Run. 

“Uncle Steve decided we needed to teach all of New Haven a lesson about accepting valid legal documents, so we were going to patronize every establishment that sold alcohol in the entire city. Uncle David pointed out that visiting every bar, gas station, grocery store, and liquor store in the city would take a week, so we narrowed our focus to establishments that sold beer to go and were not gas stations. That we could do in one day. We mapped out a route that would take us as efficiently as possible from one end of the city to the other and set off. 

“The routine was pretty simple: we'd go into the store, pick out a six-pack of beer, the more esoteric craft brew the better, and try to buy it. I'd go first, put the beer on the counter along with my credit card and driver's license. The cashier would look at me, look at my license, look at me again, and say something like, “Sorry, kid, nice try, but you're not fooling me. Is this your brother's driver's license?” Then Uncle Steve would step in. He'd start out conversational with me, “Oh Chris, cashiers still don't think your driver's license is the real deal?” and I'd nod glumly. Then he'd turn to the cashier with his I'm-Disappointed-In-You face and say, perfectly polite, “I know you're just trying to do your job here, and I appreciate that you're doing your best to keep alcohol out of the hands of kids too young for it. Keep doing that; it's important. But sometimes there are people who really are older than they look. You've gotta trust that the good folks at the DMV did their jobs right, too. Yeah, there are some really good fake IDs out there, but you're smart, you can tell the difference. If it's a real ID and the customer looks a little young, maybe give 'em the benefit of the doubt next time?” Then he'd hand over his own driver's license and credit card. 

“Remember how I said looking young tends to run in my family? Uncle Steve looks less than half his age, and his driver's license has his real date of birth on it. The cashier would look at the license, look at Uncle Steve, look at the license again, look at Uncle Steve again, and then just sort of stare or stammer something unintelligible. Then Uncle Steve or I would ask if we could buy the beer, and the cashier would ring it up. Sometimes the cashier would ask for a picture with us, so we'd take some selfies and then be on our way. 

“That's what happened most of the time. Sometimes after checking my license the cashier would look over to Uncle David and ask if I was really 23. People tend to assume Uncle David is my dad because we look so much alike. Most of the time he'd just nod or say yes and then Uncle Steve would jump in with his speech, but one time he says, “He sure is, doll, an' he's studyin' to be a doctor.” 

“Then Uncle Steve turned around and hugged Uncle David right there in the store. I couldn't tell if Uncle Steve was laughing or crying. Turned out it was a bit of both. Uncle David had gotten on the wrong side of a grenade when he was in the Army. The traumatic brain injury and losing his left arm changed him a lot. That was exactly the sort of thing he'd have said back when they were teenagers, before, before everything happened.

“The cashier was really confused, but she let me buy the beer. We went to the ice cream shop next door to take a break. Uncle Steve got a triple-scoop cone of strawberry, vanilla, and blueberry so he could take a picture with it to put on his social media accounts. Not many places sell blueberry ice cream, so he does his patriotic version of Neapolitan whenever the opportunity presents itself. 

“By the end of the day, we'd bought 68 six-packs and covered 52 miles. On the way back to my apartment we got take-out. We cracked open some of the beers, ate Chinese food with forks, and did our post-mission debrief. I don't think I've ever laughed as much during a mission debrief as that one. Actually, I don't think I've ever laughed during a mission debrief at all, besides that one. And that was Operation Epic Beer Run.”

Beck finished his story, smiling at the memory from more than a decade ago. 

“Wow,” Watney said. “Your uncles are awesome!”

“Did it work?” Martinez asked. “Could you buy beer after that?”

“Yeah, after that I never had trouble buying beer again, though I didn't need to for a while,” Beck chuckled. “What we didn't drink that weekend lasted almost the rest of the year.”

“You should visit Germany when we return to Earth. There is lots of beer and no one will give you trouble for looking too young,” Vogel said.

Beck nodded, “I'll put Germany on the list. Anywhere in particular you'd recommend?”

“My hometown of Künzelsau has several pubs that serve traditional German food and drink. Stuttgart also has its share of good beer. Really, anywhere in Germany you go, you will find good beer,” Vogel smiled, thinking of his home country. 

“If you're going to go all the way to Germany for beer, then you have to go to Mexico for beer as well,” Martinez said.

“Okay,” Beck replied. 

“Oh, I think we're planning Dr. Beck's beer world tour,” Watney said, rubbing his hands together in excitement. “You'll have to come to Chicago, of course. The craft brew scene exploded two decades ago, so there's good beer everywhere.”

The Hermes continued accelerating towards Mars at two millimeters per second per second as the crew inside planned what would eventually become the Ares III Epic Beer World Tour.

**Author's Note:**

> This fic is entirely the result of the casting for the movie version of "The Martian." In 2003 Sebastian Stan played a teenage sniper named Justin Capshaw on “Law and Order” in season 13 episode 22 “Sheltered.” Justin is 15, according to the investigators, and he looks 15. Sebastian Stan was actually 21. (http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0629419/?ref_=nm_flmg_act_35) If Uncle Steve and Uncle David seem a bit familiar, well, that's also the result of the casting for the movie version of "The Martian."


End file.
